Do you ever start out writing a story, intending for it to be cracky and sort of light, and then it ventures out into SERIOUS BUSINESS territory? That's happened to me with my last two stories, and I don't know what to make of it. I'm working on my spn_summergen story right now, and considering the prompt, it's turning out much different than I first imagined it.

I'm not sure if it's better for being the way it is or not. Hmm. I will put a last call out for a beta (mcfeste, I see that you're interested and will email you as soon as I'm done)...I usually like a few people to give their opinions, so I'm just checking before I go to the beta community.

Packing is progressing. I'm about to go finish off my damn bedroom already, which will leave a tiny bit of kitchen stuff and my office, which isn't bad. Considering it has to be done by Thursday, that's probably a good thing.

I've been having a low-level anxiety attack all day - shortness of breath, mostly, but it's been quite annoying. I had an intimate moment with my Shakespeare coffee mug on the way home, which I was visualizing as part of my relaxation technique. It's a sad day when I have fallen so far as to fantasize about my coffee mug.

I did, however, finally get rid of the ancient relic I've been hauling around as my cellphone in favor of this beauty. I'm particularly in love with the keyboard. I don't even have anyone to text message! Why do I care about a keyboard?!?

I'll send you guys that I know in person my new info when I get my South Carolina number. And if anyone else cares and wants to text message me. \o/

Fandom is annoying the shit out of me with all of the wank lately. At this rate I'm going to jump ship to Blogger or whatever. Where is the fun? Where is the porn? Not that I have time to read any of it right now. 930820394 Big Bang fics and I can't even spare time for any of them! I'll just be glad to get mine posted and OFF MY PLATE next week.

Now it's time for more packing. At least it's also time for MORE BEER, because packing + beer = YAY! Or at least NOT TOTALLY SUCKING!

Okay, I have officially become a Starbucks junkie. Not only do they know my order without me even having to open my mouth, but the barista that's usually there in the mornings asked my name today. This was the result:

( You know you're addicted when... )

It put me in an awesome mood...what a way to start the day. :) lyra_wing, I hope you can still respect me. ;)

Does anyone want to volunteer to beta my spn_summergen fic assignment? It's a gen Sam POV that will probably be done no later than June 14 (next Thursday). I need it back by June 18. Any takers? I don't know the length yet...somewhere between 1000 and 5000 words, I'd imagine. I'd like to get a beta or two lined up before it's done so I can send it right off. If you think you might be interested let me know via comment or email (buffyspazz at spasticlife dot com) and I'll get you some more details. I'm looking for content and characterization input as well as grammar and spelling, and I can take honest criticism!

I need a macro for that phrase. I feel like I've been using it a lot lately, and it's just going to increase...I signed up for spn_summerlove, spn_50states (I'll actually be living back in South Carolina before that one's due!), spn_harlequin, and spnbreaksthelaw. Oops? Yay!

Finally, ciaan, I'm about halfway through your fic, and I'll have it back to you tomorrow night. I got distracted packing and doing a recap, and my beta-fu is done for the night.

I want coffee right now, DAMN.

Edited (twice) because I'm a fucking idiot.

Am I the last person to see this video? It's fucking hilarious, and I can't quit watching. Seriously.

I have a question for you guys who were in college in the early 2000s, for story purposes...along the time when Sam Winchester was a freshman in college, what was the norm for internet usage in dorms...IM, email, etc? I was in college before the internet was really mainstream (God), and I have no idea if he would have had access to the internet from his dorm room, and if that would have been a common method of communication. If he did, would it have been dial up or something like a T-1 line? When would this have been...2002? 2003? Any input?

Baby Weekend 2007 went very well, all things considered. My sanity is intact. I'm glad I have a virgin uterus...the older I get, the more happy I am to have not birthed a child (even though I'm a big advocate of natural childbirth, home births, etc...I'm still glad to have a tight vagina).

On the trip down I was driving through rural North Carolina, and I passed by a church with the following sign:

Feedom Life
CHURCH ON FIRE (complete with little flames)

On the marquee underneath it said:

ATM Inside (WTF?? That is shameless!)
Atonement - Truth - Forgiveness

Oh, never change, crazy Southern Christians. Never change.

I came back today and managed to pack about 2/3 of the upstairs which is HUGE, since that's what I've been dreading more than anything. I would really, really love to get the rest of the upstairs packed up tomorrow or Tuesday. Downstairs shouldn't be as hard...it's a lot of books and computer stuff. I think the hardest thing will be deciding what I need to keep here for the two weeks after I've moved my stuff down (especially clothes, computer, etc.) that will still fit in my car to take back to South Carolina at the end of the month.

I finally have my spn_j2_bigbang posting date (June 18). I just want to get it DONE...I'm so tired of thinking about this story. I feel like I should take the time to keep tweaking it, but honestly, I don't want to mess with it anymore. I am OVER it. Now I want to get started on my spn_summergen story, which is the next one due. I'd like to get a first draft banged out this week...we'll see. I have a pretty clear idea of what I want to do, so hopefully I can execute it.

Also, I don't know that I'm going anywhere, but I'm enough of a sheep to have started a Greatest Journal and an Insane Journal under buffyspazz. I don't know...I have a Vox that's totally personal, and I could always go back to blogging on my personal website. I just like the convenience of a friendslist...there's a lot to be said for viewing everyone's entries on one page...that's what got me started on LJ in the first place.

I keep getting distracted while writing this entry. Probably because it's SO FASCINATING.

Oh, God, I should be packing, but I HATE IT. I'm procrastinating, and in a week and a half I will CRY because I have to do everything in about three days. Yikes.

I just left feedback on 20+ stories, because I have been a LAZY whore about doing it. I *finally* cleaned off my Firefox tabs. Jeez. And also, yay.

I'm driving to Raleigh to see my old college roommates tomorrow night. I'm excited to see them - it's been three years, I think, since we were last together - but two of them have two kids a piece, and the other is coming with her niece, so I'm apprehensive about being deluged by kidtalk the entire time. Last time we got together it was non-stop babytalk. Um...I like to talk about pregnancy? I know, weird. Potty training and stuff? Not so much.

I signed up for five fic challenges this summer. I am either high or feeling creative. Time will tell.

Just for clarity, my move to Charleston is a *good* thing. I'm super excited about it...I had an amazing time this weekend. One of my old work friends was getting married. We had a great time at the bachelorette party, which consisted of a) a lot of champagne, b) walking on the beach, c) dinner at a cool tapas bar, and d) watching Shag and Love, Actually while making favors and birdseed packets. I knew four of the six girls there, two of whom I liked but never really "clicked" with before. This weekend...it was awesome. I really hit it off with both of them, and now I'm even more excited to be back there. I always seem to forget what a wide social circle I have in Charleston, and then I go down for an event and am reminded. All in all, it was an excellent weekend, although I did duck everytime an ambulance passed me (my ex-husband is a paramedic in Charleston, oops).

OH MY GOD, I don't have anything else to talk about. WHERE IS THE PORN TO DISTRACT ME FROM PACKING???

UGH, I can't update lately. I don't have anything to say, which is stupid. I have SO MUCH going on.

Anyway, I'm moving to Charleston at the end of June, so that will finally be done. I just have to get through the next month at work.

spn_j2_bigbang is the other thing that's been eating my brain lately. I'm so ready to post the story and be done with it...it's a lot of work for something that I'm not even really happy with. Bleh.

Um, I guess that's it. I have brain block with my posting. :(

First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, maygra! I hope you have a great day!!! \o/

Second, I have determined that beer:

- Makes it very hard to type

- Makes me wanky

- Makes the internet SERIOUS BUSINESS for me

I have been *facepalming* all day (well, quality management principles aren't the MOST interesting things to study, so I had a lot of time to devote to outside thoughts, heh), but this is a great reality check to me to TAKE A STEP BACK and not get so damned worked up. I mean, really! It's the INTERNET! It's FANDOM! I know people care about different shit on my LJ, but I need to remember not to equate comments or participation with, I don't know, acceptance or whatever. I feel like making myself write over and over, "IT'S JUST THE FREAKING INTERNET, SO DON'T BE A WANKER." I'll probably read porn instead, but the thought is there. ;)

Anyway, I am putting a ban on any drunk posting from now on, since I'm clearly an ASSHOLE when I post while intoxicated. Please kick my ass if you see me posting wanky shit while I'm all boozed up. :D

No SPN or Smallville for me tonight, since my hotel doesn't get the CW. :( However, my friend that I'm visiting this weekend is going to DVR it for me, so hopefully I can watch this weekend AND make a convert. :)

I just realized I've used FIVE emoticons in this post. I'm dangerously close to "LOL" or "HOW R U" territory. ACK!

I am drunk, financed on a work trip by the senior VP of our office. However much this place may suck, they sure give good work trips. Even if I got invited to the VP's room for a "nightcap." I do believe it was booze-related, rather than sex-related, but appreciate that I turned him down. Dude, it's 1am.

You would not believe the care I took typing this, so I didn't look like an asshole. Like that helps.

Ack, all of a sudden my del.icio.us account has stopped giving me my tags...like, when I'm trying to tag something, usually I type the first word of the tag and get a drop-down menu of tags that start with that letter. It's not working, and I've rebooted and everything. Is anyone else having this problem? It's driving me CRAZY. I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT MY DEL.ICIO.US WORKING.

Also, my soup is too hot, and I burned my tongue.

I've spent a lot of time over the last several days working on a story, and, after some great back-and-forth with a beta, it's done. I'm ridiculously pleased with how it turned out.

Title: Undone
Rating: NC-17
Pairing/Characters: Dean/OFC, Bobby
Notes/Disclaimers/Summary: Kripke's characters aren't mine.

Thanks to missyjack for the awesome and greatly appreciated beta work!

It was still daylight when they reached Bobby's house. In the familiar guest room, Dean unpacked his bag and lay sleepless until Bobby called him for dinner. He didn't look at the empty bed beside him.

( Undone )

You know, I was going to post a big rant on how people couldn't even wait until the fucking bodies were cool to start politicizing the VA Tech shootings, because apparently expressing concern about it means you're stupid and unaware of what else is going on in the world, but the power has been out for over a day and we just got it back and I'm pissed off and not in the mood, so...whatever. People can go fuck themselves. I'm not some ignorant redneck who's got my head stuck in the sand over what's going on in the world, and I sure as shit don't need a lecture on Iraq and Darfur like I've suddenly become retarded. This is MY state, and I KNOW people at VA Tech, so...everyone who's interested in turning this into a political rant before they even have the victims buried can fuck off. I'll go to my grave a liberal, but I'm really tired of my own fucking party treating me like I'm a fucking idiot. Guess what? I'm not. I'm OVER the current "this tragedy is more important than that tragedy" bullshit, because you know what? THEY ALL SUCK, and expressing grief over one doesn't make you less concerned over the others. Jesus.

The day that Air America makes me wish I had listened to FOX News is a really bad day.

Is anyone interested in betaing a Supernatural fic for me? Dean POV, het, around 2500 words. There will probably be a companion Sam piece in the future. I'd prefer someone who'll do more than just a spelling/grammar check...someone who wants to rip it apart. Any takers? Just comment or email me at buffyspazz at spasticlife dot com.

ciaan and annalazarus, my roommate is looking at my spn_j2_bigbang fic, and then I think I'll be ready to send it to you guys. So, maybe later this week? You still up for it?

I wonder if you can die from busting your ass while roller skating?

*ponders*

Also, where is the fic where Jared has been tricked by Rosenbaum into agreeing to do these stupid Kinkaide movies? I mean, that's a better reason for agreeing to do them than because he's, I don't know, suffering from brain damage or something.

My butt hurts.

One of my girlfriends turned 30 today, and she had a party at a roller skating rink. I have never been great on skates, and tonight I proved that, at 34, "awkward" wasn't just a phase.

I drank many beers, however, which helped slightly when I feel flat on my ass. My right palm and wrist are killing me now, because, for some reason, my right arm and left buttock took the brunt of my fall. My left wrist hurts, too, but my right hurts worse. And my ass is going to be KILLING me tomorrow...not to mention my thighs. God. Roller skating is HARD WORK.

I hate when I'm semi-drunk and trying to post. Like, not drunk enough to not care about my grammar, spelling, typos, etc., but too drunk to make it EASY to type.

Tonight, I watched The Bachelor AND CSI: Miami. Thankfully, there was beer involved, so I can foist responsibility off on the booze and not my own bad taste in TV.

ALSO? And completely contradicting what I just said...I have been watching The Pussycat Dolls: Search for the Next Doll. Since the beginning. Even after Sandy got booted off. There, I said it.

Beer is good. YUM.

I have been writing all day. I have 20,099 words on my spn_j2_bigbang fic.

*dies*

Yes, it's a very, very, very rough draft. Yes, I will have to spend a while digging through it and cleaning it up so it's ready for anniemoon to read, so she can tell me if it sucks before I send it to my betas.

Still. 20,099 words. That's the longest story I've ever written before.

\o/

I had a dream I hooked up with Justin Hartley last night. No sex, just lots of making out.

I'm in such a good mood right now it's ridiculous. \o/

My office closed at 2pm today because the power went out around 11:30am, with no hopes of getting it back for hours. I'm sort of surprised they agreed to let us go, but miracles occur, apparently.

Anyway, I went and got a pedicure, which I desperately needed, and bought lots of microbrewed beer at the Total Wine store close to the pedicure place.

I just got off the phone with my mom, asking her to sort of feel my uncle out the next time she talked to him about whether or not he felt he might be able to help me get a job.

( Work Stuff, Part the Millionth )

Now, I think I'm going to go and write more on my spn_j2_bigbang fic!!

I haven't been able to afford to get my hair done for a while, since the place I started going after my hair disaster last year was way out of my budget. I've been trying to find a place that was less expensive, but everywhere I looked it was ALMOST as much as my salon, and it seemed silly to pay almost as much for someone that I wasn't sure about.

Today, I broke down and went into one of those walk-in places. My hair was out of control, down to my shoulder, plus my color has been growing outs, and I've been holding off on doing anything else until after I land another job, so the roots were pretty crazy. Anyway, I decided I was willing to gamble with a low-cost place...I figured if the cut was horrible, then I'd fork out the big bucks to get it fixed. However, the lady did a great job, so now I have a cute short cut for the summer, and it cost me a whopping $25 (with tip!).

If I get a little less lazy I might take pictures, but I'm feeling pretty lazy lately, so we'll see.

I got another 1000 words under my belt for my spn_j2_bigbang fic tonight (up to 7,000!). I read through what I wrote last night, when I was a little tipsy, and while it's somewhat incoherent in places, I think the basic story is sound. It's nothing that I can't fix with a second (and third!) draft, and then I've got some awesome people that have offered to beta, so I feel pretty good about things. I may be able to actually get my shit together and do this. I should be able to make *major* headway this weekend, since I'll have three days off. Sooo...yay for me!

I always hate ending my posts. I feel like I should say something...maybe not anything deep and intense, but something with a nice concluding tone to it. And I always FAIL. Bleh.

I just ditched my original spn_j2_bigbang fic idea and wrote three times as much on the new idea as I had on the original one. In about four hours. Clearly, this was the right thing to do, although I'm not abandoning my original idea. I'm just...putting it on hold for a while.

I've also had a lot of beer today. And I went to Target. And I did laundry. Oh, how my life is so exciting.